More stories & pictures from our visit... (long)

I have finally had a minute to get my head together. Suitcases are still in the hall by the front door & not unpacked...but you better believe all gazillion pictures have been ordered & picked up from Walgreens with my favorites already in 5x7s!

The trip was really good. I seem to have been incredibly blessed with a softening of my anger when we got there. I had been so bitter and angry and upset about everything and was so worried that would ruin my trip...or worse yet that Lilly would pick up on it. But, as soon as she was in my arms I could feel everything sort of falling back into place. The first night she was freaked out...and I was up every couple hours trying to rick her back to sleep and being so ticked at the process and mistakes people had made that put my daughter in a position where she was so frightened. But, we both made it through the night, and by Friday morning she was really doing fine...and was smiling and giggling like she had been with me all along. She is teething and also had a cold ( "un gripe" pronouced greee-pay), so she was easily worn out, but she was great.

She put absolutely eveyrthing in her mouth and loved reaching for toys. She did turn over onto her stomach while we were there, but she clealry doesn't spend much time on her tummy as she has no arms strength to hold herself up with. It was so cute...she would try and push up to reach for something and then would just lay her head on the floor for a minute to rest before trying again! My whole family was convinced she was ready to try some real food, but we didn't want to cause chaos for the foster mom. So, when they came to pick her up we said something to her. And her reply..."Oh, she's been eating bananas and rice cereal for weeks. I just didn't tell you obecause I thought it would be too complicated!" Too funny. No wonder she looked at us like we were greedy American food mongers who wouldn't share! And...no wonder she took 50% more formula than the foster mom said she was taking...she was hungry without the "real food"!

Since she was getting over a cold, I didn't take her in the pool until the last day. SHE LOVED IT! She was splashing away and trying desperately to go under water despite our firm committment to keep her little ears above the water. After a while my mom said "Lilly, do you want to get out of the pool?" And she immediately and violently shook her head no-no-no. Now...even if a 6 month old could understand language...she really wouldn't know a foreign language, but she knew exactly what she meant despite those barriers! She also loved her daily bath and could stay in the water all day.

I have a lot of stories and pictures...but I will save some for the coming weeks and months with nothing to share. But, the sweetest thing - and the thing that was most comforting to me - is that there was definitely some recognition of familiarity. I don't know if she "remembers" us from August, or if the tape recorder she hears of me reading and singing every night has done it, but she knew we were safe. The foster mother said she won't go to anyone else - even Amaryllis' friends. But, she came right to me with no hesitation. And, when she was the most upset, I would sing a lullaby that I sang on the tape, and she would instantly stop crying. It really is amazing. I am so grateful to the email buddies who suggested sending a tape of my voice...and even more grateful that the foster mother plays it for her every day!

As far as "case" progress...the news is still long-term, but at least I am hearing from my new lawyers daily with pieces of information. As I learned last week, our case had been sent to investigation in Minors Court a month and a half ago. But, since then it has basically been waiting in line to even have the invetsigation start. But, I learned that it has started this week. Unfortunately, the investigation will take several months...and more during the holidays due to vacations. But, at least it has started. All because of a stupid typo on the birth certificate. But, by teh grace of God I am not bitter about it right now. Please pray this attitude lasts!

I want to leave with one thought...I went to a work dinner last night about hospice, and there was an incredible quote in the presentation. I wish I had copied it down verbatim, but I wasn't that quick. But, the idea was that humans have an incredible ability and need to hold both hope and reality in their hands at the same time. And...that is what I am trying to do.