Rough Day

It has been a difficult and overwhelming couple of days. I had reached my breaking point of patience with the whole process and decided that passive contentment with the process was harming my daughter. So, I started getting demanding. And, while it hasn't helped bring Lil home any faster, it has unearther A LOT more information than I had 48 hours ago.

Learned today that unlike what I had been led to believe, my case has not been collecting dust on someone's desk for the past 16 weeks. In fact, a PGN attorney reviewed it several months ago, found something that concerned him or her and moved the entire case to investigation in the Minor's Court. That happened "about a month and a half ago." Uh Huh. Anyway, I can't get a clear picture of how this will affect me exactly, but it is most assuredly bad news. Some cases never make it through minors court. Let me be clear...that is not hyperbole or drama...the cases get denied. In the meantime, Lilly could be removed from the foster home she is in - the only home and mother she knows - and placed in an orphanage under the guardianship of the court. That is not common - but it does happen. So - the worst 2 scenarios are 1) I never get her or 2) she is moved into an orphanage for the time being. Best case scenario: I get approved from investogations soon and back into PGN so I can try (AGAIN) to get kicked out and try (AGAIN) to get back in. More likely scenario: this drags on for a very long time.

This has all been so much to absorb. And, it certianly makes you question those in whome you have put all of your trust. But, today did make it easier for me to make a decision about getting some additional help in Guatemala to better understand what questions I need to be asking.

Good news: I am going to Guatemala on Thursday, and will hopefully spend Thanksgiving dinner with my WHOLE family, including my parents, my sister, MY DAUGHTER, her foster mother, her foster mother's daugher & the second foster child. Won't exactly be turkey by the fireplace, but I will spend the day with those people I am most thankful to have in my life. ANd, while there, Maren - my wonderful leagal eagle/spansih speaking sister - and I are hoping to be able to do a little more in-country research and talk to some folks with some more insight into all of this.

Soooo...I don't even know where to begin when asking for prayer requests. I haven't been crying today - I think I am a combination of numb and angry. But, that's ok - nobody likes sobbing uncontrollably anyway. BUT - I pray for the folks helping us in Guatemala - that they can find out what needs to be done and help make it happen. I pray for Lilly to be able to stay with Amaryllis and NOT got to an orphanage. I pray she will be in my arms permanently sooner rather than later. I pray for safe travel - and that everyone stays healthy this time. I pray for patience, strength and a calm but determined heart. I pray.... honestly when I pray all I can get out anymore is "please" and "help." But I think that really covers it. I pray....